Anniversary Angst

I'm reviewing for our book group this month - Willa Cather's The Song of the Lark. While skimming a biography of Cather, this gem stood out:

"A Midwestern farm couple have ceased to talk to each other with any intimacy because roles and family loyalties have divided them. The husband is concerned with his farm work, the wife with her children; over the years their conversations have been reduced to negotiations 'almost wholly confined to questions of economy and expense.' As Hester haggles in behalf of her sons, Cather delicately and understatedly describes the emergence of buried affection between husband and wife. In trying to persuade her penurious husband to let the boys attend a traveling circus, Hester discovers that--unknown to each other--she and William had attended a circus together back in Virginia, their childhood home. This revelation opens the floodgates of memory, and the two begin to share other stories and recollections:

"They talked on and on; of old neighbors, of old familiar faces in the valley where they had grown up, of long forgotten incidents of their youths--weddings, picnics, sleighing parties and baptisms. For years they had talked of nothing else but butter and eggs and the price of things, and now they had as much to say to each other as people who meet after a long separation."

"Their conversation leads to a reawakened love based in shared experience, understanding, and memory. As a result of this renewed connection, Cather implies, family allegiances will shift. Hester will no longer always place her sons before her husband: she feels a 'throb of allegiance' to William, and her sons sense that they have lost a "powerful ally." (Willa Cather: The Emerging Voice, Sharon O'Brien)

Listening to one dear friend talk about her anniversary, the desolate winds of winter blew through her words, even though her anniversary was in August. I'm probably reading too much into things, but sometimes family responsibilities, church callings, work, and selfishness take precedence over cherishing our spouses. It can happen to anyone and an anniversary is just a day, but it happens on the same day every year and it's for both of you, not just one. It's your spouse's anniversary, too, so you make the plan and carry it out.